Work-Life Balance Isn't About Shorter Hours—It's About Better Structure (What HR Won't Tell You)
The Question That Changed Everything
My manager once asked me why I couldn't stay at the office until 8 or 9pm like my other colleagues.
She was a mother too, she reminded me. My single colleague could do it. She herself did it regularly.
So why couldn't I?
I looked at her and gave her an answer I knew she wasn't expecting.
"My biggest responsibility is towards Allah. That means I need to ensure what I do in my daily life is balanced. Right now, I have a daughter in a critical age. I need to show her that I will be there for her."
I paused, then continued.
"I know people feel proud saying 'I left home while my children were still sleeping, and I came back when they were already asleep' - showing their commitment to the company. But I will not be proud telling Allah later that I left home while my daughter was still sleeping and came back only to find her already asleep."
"If Allah asks me what action I took to ensure my daughter performs solat - because that IS my responsibility - I can't answer 'my helper will ensure that.' That's not her main responsibility. I can't outsource parenting."
"My offer letter says I need to fulfill 8 hours per day. And that is justified when I go home at 5pm. In fact, I come in at 7am."
She went quiet.
That evening, she left even earlier than I did.
What She Didn't See
But here's what my manager wasn't seeing when she looked at my 5pm departure time.
By the time I walked through my front door, I'd been away from home for 11.5 hours.
1.5 hours driving in.
8 hours at the office.
1.5 hours driving home.
She was counting office hours. I was counting life hours.
And here's what she REALLY wasn't seeing:
That drive home? That wasn't wasted time.
That was my decompression chamber. My transition zone. The sacred 90 minutes where I stopped being 'Zielda the HRBP' and became 'Mama' and 'Wife.'
It was the only time in my entire day that was truly MINE.
The Commute No One Values
For years, I drove 1-1.5 hours each way. Every. Single. Day.
People would say, "Wow, that's so far! Don't you hate the traffic?"
Honestly? No.
That drive was MY time. The ONLY time in my entire day where:
No one could ask me for anything
No meeting could interrupt me
No deadline was chasing me
No child needed me
No spouse was waiting for dinner
It was my sanctuary on wheels.
Here's what those drives actually looked like:
The first 15 minutes: I'd decompress from work.
Replay the difficult conversations.
Process the employee who broke down in my office.
Let go of the restructuring I had to defend.
Exhale the stress.
The next 60 minutes: I'd call my best friend.
She lives far away. Our schedules are packed. We rarely see each other in person.
But in that car? Hands-free mode on? We could talk for an HOUR without a single interruption.
No kids yelling "Mama!"
No boss messaging me.
No spouse asking what's for dinner.
No doorbell. No emails. No notifications.
Just us. Talking. Laughing. Spilling all the tea until the cup was empty.
I'd tell her about the office politics I couldn't tell anyone else.
She'd tell me about her struggles.
We'd laugh about our kids.
We'd vent about our frustrations.
We'd dream about the future.
We'd pray for each other.
The last 15 minutes: I'd prepare for home.
Mental shift to "Mama/Wife mode."
Plan dinner in my head.
Anticipate what my family would need.
By the time I pulled into my driveway, I was PRESENT. Calm. Refreshed.
My daughter didn't get the stressed, distracted version of me.
She got the version who'd had 90 minutes to exhale and an hour to fill her own cup.
That commute wasn't wasted time. It was the infrastructure that made everything else work.
Then the Pandemic Hit
March 2020: Everyone celebrated working from home.
"Think of all the time you'll save without commuting!"
"No more traffic!"
"More time with family!"
I saved 3 hours a day.
You know what I did with that time?
Started work earlier (because the laptop is right there)
Worked through lunch (because the kitchen is right there)
Took evening calls (because no drive home to excuse myself)
Answered emails at 9pm (because why not, I'm home)
And the decompression? Gone.
I'd close my laptop at 6pm and immediately hear: "Mama, what's for dinner?"
Zero transition.
Zero exhale.
Zero ME time.
Work stress walked straight from screen into kitchen.
I was more available to my family physically—and LESS present emotionally.
Because I never got my 90 minutes to process, decompress, and shift caps.
What I Really Lost
But it wasn't just the decompression I lost.
It was my friendship.
Because when can you call your best friend for an hour when you work from home?
During work hours? You're supposed to be working.
After work? Family immediately needs you—dinner, homework, bedtime.
At night? Too late. Everyone's exhausted.
And even if you tried? It would be interrupted.
"Mama, can you help me?"
Doorbell rings.
Notification pings.
Husband walks in asking something.
The car gave me PERMISSION to have that time.
"I'm driving anyway. Might as well call my friend."
Working from home took that away.
Now when I talk to my best friend, it's:
10 minutes here. 15 minutes there.
Rushed. Distracted. Interrupted.
We don't spill the tea anymore. We just exchange headlines.
And I'm lonelier for it.
The Plot Twist
Here's the part that will surprise you.
Years after that conversation with my manager—when my daughter was older and understood why Mama sometimes worked late—I became one of the top 30 people with the longest hours in the company.
I came before people clocked in.
I left after most had gone home.
The reports proved it.
And you know what? When I DID leave at 5:30pm on certain days, nobody questioned it.
Because my work output was undeniable.
What changed wasn't my work ethic. It was my season.
My daughter was older. She understood. My responsibilities had grown. And I CHOSE to stay late—not because someone pressured me, but because the WORK demanded it.
But even then, when I stayed until 8pm, I still had my drive home.
Work ended when I left the building.
By the time I walked through my door, I was HOME.
The boundary was still intact.
And Now
Today, I work from home building my own business.
The boundaries? Completely gone.
Working at midnight? Yes.
Laptop at breakfast? Yes.
"Just one more hour" at 8pm? Yes.
But here's the difference: This time, it's MY choice.
I'm building something that's mine.
Serving MY vision, not someone else's KPIs.
The long hours build MY equity, not padding someone's bonus.
The sacrifice has ownership and purpose.
I'm not pretending it's "balance." I'm calling it what it is: a calculated sacrifice with purpose and control.
And when I'm ready to scale and create boundaries again, I will.
Because now, I'm the one making the rules.
What HR Won't Tell You
When companies celebrate "saving commute time," they're not telling you the full story.
They'll say: "Work from home gives you flexibility!"
They mean: "We expect you available across all timezones, and we'll save money on office space."
They'll say: "You can manage your own schedule!"
They mean: "We'll schedule meetings at 7am and 9pm, and you can't complain because 'flexible hours.'"
They'll say: "Think of all the commute time you save!"
They mean: "That saved time belongs to us now. Start earlier, finish later."
The truth: Work from home only works if YOU have the discipline to create boundaries. And most companies won't let you.
The office actually protected my boundaries in ways I didn't appreciate until they were gone.
The Real Framework of Balance
So let me tell you what I've learned across three very different phases of my career:
Balance isn't about WHERE you work.
It's about WHO controls your time and WHY.
At the office for someone else's company:
Clear boundaries (leaving = work ends)
Structure protects you
Commute = transition time
Results earn you freedom
At home for someone else's company:
Boundaries blurred
Always "available"
No transition time
Flexibility becomes exploitation
At home for YOUR company:
Boundaries gone (temporarily)
But it's YOUR choice
Building equity, not padding bonuses
Sacrifice with purpose
Different Seasons, Different Structures
When my daughter was young:
Needed strict boundaries
Office + commute = perfect structure
Left at 5pm, guilt-free
Home was for HER, not for work
When my daughter was older:
Had more flexibility
CHOSE to stay late at office
Still went HOME at the end (boundary intact)
Top 30 longest hours because the WORK demanded it, not because boundaries blurred
Now, building my own business from home:
Boundaries completely gone
Working at all hours
But it's MY vision, MY choice, MY timeline
The lesson: There's no one-size-fits-all. Know your season. Choose your structure. Own your sacrifice.
What You Actually Need
Work-life balance isn't about:
❌ Shorter hours
❌ Working from home
❌ Flexible schedules
❌ Unlimited PTO
Work-life balance IS about:
✅ Clarity on your season
✅ Intentional structure
✅ Transition time between roles
✅ Results over theater
✅ Ownership of sacrifice
And sometimes, it's about a 90-minute drive where you can decompress, call your best friend, and arrive home actually PRESENT.
A Note to You
This is MY story. Yours might look different.
I'm not saying everyone needs a 90-minute commute.
I'm saying everyone needs SOME form of transition between roles.
For me, it was the drive.
For you, it might be:
A 10-minute walk around the block
Sitting in your parked car for 5 minutes before going inside
A ritual cup of tea before opening your laptop
A gym session between work and home
The location doesn't matter. The PRINCIPLE does.
Find your decompression chamber.
Protect your transition time.
Fill your own cup.
Because without it, you're never fully anywhere.
Always split. Always scattered. Always bleeding one role into another.
The Final Question
So when companies tell you they're "saving you commute time," ask them:
Saving it for WHAT?
Because I didn't save those 3 hours a day and suddenly have more time for myself.
I used it to:
Start work earlier
Take more meetings
Answer more emails
Do more laundry
Make more dinners
You know what I DIDN'T do?
Call my best friend for an hour.
Because there's no SPACE for that anymore.
No protected time where it's okay to just... be unavailable to everyone except her.
That's what they don't tell you about remote work:
They saved you the commute.
They also stole your sanity.
Work-life balance isn't about where you work or how many hours you clock.
It's about having PROTECTED SPACE for the things that keep you whole.
My commute wasn't wasted time.
It was my decompression chamber.
It was my therapy session.
It was my friendship lifeline.
And I didn't realize how much I needed it until it was gone.
Sometimes, the world praises the hours you give away.
But peace is found in the hours you protect.